Moving on

What a crazy, emotional weekend this has been.



I had a double header Saturday for tennis. The first match, I didn't do the best at first, but did well the second half. But of course, you're not the only one hitting the ball when you're playing doubles. The same went for the second match: I didn't do my best because I was so tired, but I would have won with a different partner.



I was so frustrated because we should have won both matches. Skill-wise, I was much better. As for the amount of errors I was making, that's another story.



So, I got home, and had kind of a emotional breakdown. I was home alone, so I figured, oh what the heck, and let out my stress, frustration, and humiliation. I guess I didn't let out all of it, because I was still depressed and on the verge of tears for the rest of the evening.



Today was better, in the sense that some things were settled.



After church, we went to the Pho noodle restaurant. I asked my dad a question about stragety for the tennis challenge my sister and I are going to do tomorrow. Turned into a speech about how he didn't want to be our coach anymore and that we should get private lessons from someone else and just have fun doing tennis rather than get stressed over it.



Ouch. I felt betrayed.



I mean, I've thought that too, that its logical to not get lessons from our dad because he gets angered easily which stresses us out...etc. But still, it hurt that it seems like he was giving up on us. He has such high expectations, so that it pains him when we don't meet it. Later this evening, when he was not angered about it anymore, he told me that he'll still give lessons to us if we want and are willing to put up with him getting angry.

I'm not sure if I want to. The tone of his voice sounded like he felt obliged to say it but didn't want to. So for now, I guess it'll just be practicing with the team, hitting with my sis, and using the ball machine at the Court Club.

But throughout all this, I've come to a realization:

I shouldn't stress over tennis: I'm not gonna go pro or anything, I'm just doing it for fun and exercise. Besides, as I've known from previous seasons, I do better if I don't take it too seriously and just have fun.

Winning isn't everything: I just need to do my best and not judge myself against others. I've learned to do this with other things, like being successful in school, but not in tennis, I guess. This will be hard to learn, but at least I've started.

I can't trust anyone completely, not even my family: As sad as this sounds, I've realized that my family will not always be there for me. For most of the time, yes, but there will be occasions where they will fail me. Thankfully, this has not happened much. I've always thought I will always have family to fall back to during my troubles. But now I realize that this is a hard thing to do when your family is the one causing your troubles. When my dad gave up on coaching tennis for my sis and me, that broke a little piece of my heart.

Thank goodness for my friends I can turn to when I can't turn to my family. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends, a loving family (who isn't perfect, but then, who is?), and a bright future. I am blessed to have the opportunities to learn lessons, even though some heartbreak may be involved.

Hmm... there goes my time to do Psych hw. Oh well, there's always tomorrow night!

Good night. Should be an exciting day tomorrow.